When you think of a ghost, like an apparition of a civil war soldier or the same white lady that haunts every community theater, they are described as wearing clothes. Is that the curse of becoming a ghost? Cursed to watch time progress and you can’t change out of the clothes you were shot in? How does your soul know what you were wearing? And how does it know what your haircut is?
Presumably, the soul wouldn’t have hair. If it did, then how does it get cut? Is there a spiritual barber? Is our soul such a complex shape that it fills every atomic corner of your physical space? If so, maybe the Sikhs are right and we shouldn’t cut our hair at all.
But ghosts can have haircuts. I assume they must have haircuts, or else every ghost story would sound like a bigfoot story if bigfoot was a civil war reenactor. “I turned and looked, and there was a man in a confederate soldier uniform, but it looked like Cousin Itt from the Addams Family.”
There must be some hairdresser spirits that have been sent to hairdresser hell, cursed to spend all day on their feet cutting hair for every poor lost soul. And no smoke breaks.
Perhaps other spirits eschew this service and let their hair grow and spin into wispy tendrils, whitening with every passing year. The follicles weaving themselves together into a sheet. They float through the either, looking for tangle-releasing shampoo, frightening the living with their painful wails as hairs are constantly being ripped out of the skin to join the wispy hair blanket.
But for those fortunate to go to Heaven, I imagine one of the perks is having the hair you’ve always wanted. You can even have a beard that’s not itchy, which I bet a lot of saints were psyched about.
I’m just afraid to die with this haircut is all.
October 25, 2013, 1:51pm Permalink